The Twelve Days of Christmas Get Real
Hearing the “Twelve Days of Christmas” song recently, I
thought at once that it is a bit dated. No modern young woman will agree to
marry an established young man who offers her only a few animals and some fruit
as a dowry. Here is the song upgraded to match the needs and expectations of
the 21st century young woman.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
An island in the South Seas.
On the second day of
Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two private jets,,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the third day of
Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the fourth day of
Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the fifth day of
Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the sixth day of
Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six sprawling mansions,
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven New York banks,,
Six sprawling mansions,
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight Eastern Kingdoms,
Seven New York banks,
Six sprawling mansions,
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the ninth day
of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine diamond mines,
Eight Eastern Kingdoms,
Seven New York banks,
Six sprawling mansions,
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten forest castles,
Nine diamond mines,
Eight Eastern Kingdoms,
Seven New York banks,
Six sprawling mansions,
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven oil leases,
Ten forest castles,
Nine diamond mines,
Eight Eastern Kingdoms,
Seven New York banks,
Six sprawling mansions,
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve billion dollars,
Eleven oil leases,
Ten forest castles,
Nine diamond mines,
Eight Eastern Kingdoms,
Seven New York banks,
Six sprawling mansions,
Five tons of gold,
Four fancy cars,
Three large yachts,
Two private jets,
And an island in the South Seas.
—© 2020 Robert Harris. Copy, share, and use freely, but
don’t steal, alter, or charge for it.
